entry #7: dating, jane austen, and estate settlement

I’m writing this at a coworking space in LA. I’m getting back in a routine after falling out of it with my dad’s memorials and the holidays. I start with sleep. When I’m not sleeping well, it’s hard for me to do much. Exercise is next. Being active, even if it’s a walk, helps me. Third is reading and journaling. I am more intentional when I read and journal. The fourth is diet. I feel good when I eat well. I have the sleep, exercise, reading, and journaling in place. I'm working on the diet.

Before diving in, if you have settled an estate, I’d love to hear from you. There is a section near the end called “estate settlement”.

Out on an evening walk

what I’m feeling

excited

Dating has been fun. I enjoy meeting new women, and the early nerves and excitement of dating make me feel like a kid. I last dated when I was 22. I was in a relationship for most of my 20s. That ended two years ago, and I have been doing my own thing since.

It’s not just dating. I feel free and that makes me excited. It’s going to be a good year. There will be ups and downs, but I feel excited for what’s to come.

overwhelmed

I often wake up indebted to my todo list. I want to do so much. I feel like opportunities are slipping by. I feel like I’m not doing enough.

peaceful

At the same time, I feel more at peace. I go to bed early and wake up early. I make my coffee, sit, and read for an hour. I pick a couple things to do each day and work on them in the morning. Today it’s writing this update.

grief (or lack thereof)

I don’t feel much grief when I’m in LA. I stay busy. I don’t associate my dad with LA. My grandma here is my mom’s mom. I am reminded of my dad and think about him, but the grief isn’t in the forefront.

I don’t know if I’m avoiding the grief or taking care of myself. Maybe both. I’m going back to Alaska to clean out my dad’s house soon. I’ll be sad, but will also feel close to him.

Church ready

what I’m thinking

writing

I like to write. I enjoy Substack. But I’m still figuring out what this is going to be. What do I write about? How often do I write? What is behind the paywall?

I started answering questions last month. I enjoy it, but am going to test different ideas. A few I’m thinking about:

• vignettes about my dad, grief, and living with my grandma

• essays about life, culture, and dating

• journal entries I write throughout the week

• curated comments and stories from you

youtube

I’m intimidated by YouTube. I know it’s work, and I can be lazy. Combine that with not having done it before, and I find an bottomless supply of excuses.

However, YouTube appeals for two reasons:

1. Unlike Instagram, I would get paid when people watch my videos.

2. I’m limited by the 3 minute (previously 90 second) limit on Instagram. I could tell better stories on YouTube.

podcast

I think about a podcast as well. Publishing videos is social, but creating them is lonely. A podcast is usually social. Those episodes could be published on YouTube as well.

estate settlement

My family is settling my dad’s estate. It’s a slow process. My dad died three months ago, and we’re still waiting for the court to appoint my mom as executor. We contacted banks. We set up mail forwarding. We put his bills on our name. We are keeping track of expenses so we can be reimbursed from his estate. We will need to do his taxes and go through probate. It’s a painful, opaque, and slow process.

For those of you who have settled an estate, what has your experience been? What resources did you find helpful? Did you hire anyone to help? I’d love to hear about it.

Smoked salmon tartine from Tartine Bakery

what I’m enjoying

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

I struggled with the first third of this book. I’m listening to it, and have a hard time keeping many characters straight in audiobooks.

I’m enjoying it now though. Elizabeth is at Pemberley and is starting to understand her prejudice of Darcy. Darcy is clearly still in love with her.

Split pea soup

I talked with my grandma on the phone in Alaska over Christmas. “When you get back we’re going to get a honey-baked ham.” she said. And that’s exactly what we did. We got a quarter bone-in ham that fed us for days. Once we got tired of ham by itself, I made split pea soup. I used this recipe from NY Times Cooking, but here is a similar recipe in case the other is paywalled.

I hope you have a great weekend. Grandma and I are planning to go to the horse races with one of her friends assuming the weather holds up.

- Grant