Do you ever question if you’re on the right path in life?

Serving a butter sauce table side at a dinner I hosted for friends this weekend.

Question context

I’m 38 and feel like a spend a lot of energy thinking about whether I should be putting more intention into a life I dream for myself, but wonder if it’s worth trying harder because not as much is in my control anyway - and maybe I’d be happier just living more freely.

Answer

All. The. Time. Two years ago my life was stable: I was in a long term relationship, I had a good paying tech job, my family was healthy, and I lived in my own apartment in Brooklyn. Each of those have since crumbled. The relationship ended, I lost my job, my dad died, and I moved into my grandma’s extra bedroom in Los Angeles.

I’m 30 and part of me feels like I should be in a relationship and have kids, own a home, have a successful business and career. That manifests itself as anxiety. One of the hardest parts of this year has been moving forward despite that anxiety. That feeling is being put to a greater test now that I’m going on dates. It is hard to tell a girl I’m interested in that I live with my grandma while “working on a business” that isn’t even clear to me yet.

I question whether I should get back on the corporate ladder. Get another tech job, save money, buy a house, have some kids, and call it good. The pull of that path is strong for me. I sometimes feel like an idiot for not taking it.

Yet, so far, I’ve chosen to continue on this path of reinvention and uncertainty because that path is what I want to do with my life right now. I think this is the most important voice to listen to.

On the flip side, the questioning and anxiety comes from comparing myself to others and fear. Are those the ways I want to make decisions? No, but it’s important to find a way to move through them.

Moving through those feelings is a practice, not a problem that I have solved. Here are a few reminders that help me when I feel those:

1. I will be okay. Whatever happens, I will be okay.

2. Trust yourself. I don’t know what I’m truly capable of. The only way to find out is to try.

3. Enjoy the process. Be present. (I am really trying to work on this one right now)

4. Be grateful. I am so lucky to have these choices in life.

5. I have more agency than I realize. There is a lot outside my control that impacts me, but every single decision I make is in my control: what I say, who I spend time with, what I work on, where I live, what I spend money on (beyond necessities). Those decisions will have the biggest impact on the outcome of my life, and they are all in my control. That isn’t to say there aren’t consequences to those actions. There are, of course, and some of those consequences might not be acceptable.

I sometimes ask “What would Grant 10 years from now say to me now?”. I think he would say something like:

1. “I’m proud of you for trying.”

2. “Enjoy life more. You don’t need to be so hard on yourself. Things will work out.”

3. “This is a special time of life for you. Recognize it and make the most of it.”

I hope I’m making him proud.

Thank you for reading and if you have a question you can ask me anything here.

- Grant