Are you excited for Christmas or do you anticipate it will be hard this year?
Question
Are you excited for Christmas or do you anticipate it will be hard this year?
I ask because I think a lot about my parents on Christmas time....
Answer
Merry Christmas Eve :) I think the answer is both?
I feel some dread about tomorrow. I don’t know what waking up in the morning, opening presents, and having breakfast is going to feel like. This is the first Christmas without my dad. I’ll miss seeing him drinking tea when I get up, watching him open his presents, and the waffles he made every Christmas. Last Christmas was also the last time he was healthy. His leukemia symptoms started in early January.
At the same time, I enjoy Christmas. I enjoy slowing down, spending time with family, eating good food, and giving and receiving gifts. I still feel that even though I miss him a lot. My dad would want us to enjoy Christmas. We’re going to cook a ham for dinner. I’m making scalloped potatoes and a lemon meringue pie. My brother is making the breakfast waffles. I know my dad would be happy to see that tradition carried on. It’s important to me to remember him while still enjoying life. Grief is compatible with joy.
Thank you for reading and if you’re celebrating the holidays without someone, I’ll be thinking of you.
- Grant
Hey Grant, thanks for all of your transparency over the year. I've been following you since you lost your job and boy it's been a year I think for everybody. All holidays are hard for me, I live in Dallas but I'm from Portland. My family, (2 brothers and sister) are in Portland, so it's me and my dog 🐕. I'm not fond of Dallas and to be honest I'm hoping to move home at some point in the very best future. My parents are both in heaven, the hard part are holidays and birthdays, they were a big deal to my parents so they rattled pots and Pans in the kitchen but the door was always open to our friends. I'll be ok just lonely for a few days. I'll bounce back. The best thing is the Ducks are playing well and I hope they win it all.
Thanks again for being you!
L
My first Christmas without my dad was weird and hard and beautiful all at the same time. My mom flew out to me in Seattle, instead of me flying home, and we did Christmas out there, with some traditions the same (the specific order of when we watch certain movies) and some new and different (spam musubi and loco moco for Christmas dinner. We cried a lot and laughed a lot. There’s a spam ornament on our tree now in honor of that Christmas. Every year since, we have marveled at how fast opening presents goes, since we don’t have to wait for dad to get un-distracted by each of his gifts. Mom and I usually still send each other pictures of things I would have bought for him. There will always be grief and joy mixed in for me, but I love Christmas all the same.